Ways of Allah

Habiba was walking after a day spent thinking about her situation. Ideas were invading her mind. Although she did everything she could to remain calm and focus into her regular duties at home, the terror the ideas she had were pushing her to believe that nowhere she would go, she would be safe.

What had she done to be embroiled into these thoughts? She dared take a path that was not taken by others. What were the rewards she ended up with? None! What were the plans she had for the future? None! It had been several years she was engaged in a battle against the powers that were controlling her mind. She did not know that it would require everything she had. She did not know that she sat herself up for the abandonment of everything and everyone around her.

Indeed she was like a flower that was thrown in the sea and the waves were pushing her further and further from the coast. The further the waves were pushing, the more distant she was from all the things she came from. The more distant she was from the beach, the more the powers that controlled her minds were yelling and asking her to stay with the others. The further she was from the coast, the lonelier she realized she would be. Indeed none of the ones she knew would be around her in the future. Nothing would be around her to support her except the unconditional trust she would put on the waves and the sky.

She saw the addictive pleasures there was in being stocked in the coast with everybody. She was forced to admit that when she was there, it was probably the best time she had but what was she supposed to do? When she saw that there was a way to reach the secret that would free her from all her fears, she could not resist. What was she supposed to do? It is not like she had another passion that would have given her a very good excuse to run away and pretend that she did not see or did not have time for it.

No she had all the time of the world. She did not know that she would never have a day of peace after she made that choice. She was never completely hypnotised by the things others people were attached to. She always had to have different ideas or to distinguish herself from the others. Now that she was walking down the streets, the powers that controlled her mind were playing deep inside her head to remind her that even if she had managed to get away from everyone, she would not be away from them that easily.

The voices of people whom she left behind were still attacking her. They were repeating in her head the scenes that hurt her. They kept on rubbing in her face how she did not answer back to this one or the other when she or he said something nasty to her. She had done everything to avoid battling against others and to keep herself away from being violent with people who were hurting her. She had resisted the temptation to appear stronger than what she was although she had the possibility to do so. She did not pretend to be more than what she was even though everybody around her was painting a picture of themselves that was bigger than the King of Kings. She did not yell at people who deserved to be yelled at according to the regular human rules when they attacked her. She stopped herself from ridiculing people who were lying in front of her thinking that they were too smart. She did not answer back because she did not want to hurt them. She knew they would not recover if she had opened her mouth to behave like them. She knew that giving energy to their senseless attacks would only reinforce them. They would come back again and again. She was preserving herself and most of all she was preventing them from increasing that energy of hate inside them. Now the forces who were around controlling her mind in the past were playing back those memories as if they were saying that she had done the wrong thing by acting the way she did.

Those forces wanted her to rebel and to reject the path she took. It was as if they wanted her to second guess the decisions she took. She loved Allah and today, after giving all she had to what Allah was supposed to like, the terrorists in her head were actively and wisely portraying her actions as mistakes.

Was following the way of Allah such a bad thing? Why would they promote his ideas, his will and do everything they can to prevent all the people who are trying to implement it from doing so? Why is it that everybody talks about it and when the time comes to live it, nobody answers the call? On the contrary, the one who are trying, are attacked and portrayed as crazy women? Was it the wish of Allah to see his followers enduring such a path? Why would he allow the ones who are trying to live according to his rules to be exposed in such an aggressive crowd? What is it that Allah wanted them to see before he grant them a little bite of peace? Why did Allah wish them to go through those periods of doubts? Why was Allah using those forces in her head to attempt to make her break her devotion?

She used all the strategies to avoid giving any response to the voices that were screaming in her head.  They were asking her to stop at this point and take a break for few years and to fight again later. Maybe that is exactly what she needed. She knew that those voices always started by asking something that seemed very normal. The problem was that, after she had said yes to one thing, they would come back for more and they would probably win her back bite by bite.

She knew those voices had power only when she took actions based on the things they were telling her. As long as she would remain focus on them, they would have an enormous power over her.

She decided that since she was able to give love to others in the physical world and it has helped her to increase her peace of mind, it was about time she loves the voices in her head. Maybe it would have the same effect. By the way, it was the only way she knew how to behave and was proud be like that. She would be grateful to the voices in her head. She will not answer back at them. She will not fight back. If she was able to do that with human beings, she would be able to do it with the forces which were trying to control her.

As for the rest, she intended to continue the way she had always been. She will close her mouth when people who have much to prove will yell at her out loud the stories of their achievements. She will bow down nine times to the people who still need to see their brothers submitted to them. She will continue to let liars speak and give them the impression that they fouled the entire world when actually they only fouled themselves. She will continue to speak to people who speak to her only when they need something from her and the moment they would not need her, they do not even stop to say hello. She would continue to accept poisoned gift and will continue to say thank you to the people who gave them to her because she knows how to stop the poison from entering in her.

She will continue to transform herself and she would not allow the difficulties of her transition from one stage to another to stop her from loving and be submitted to the words of Allah spoken directly from the Prophet Muhammad. She is and will always be someone submitted to Allah’s will no matter what it is. She knew that everybody around her had a role to play in her life. They all came to give her something even though the shape and form were horrible. She knew she just had to recognize them as messenger of Allah. Once she did that, the only thing left to do was to take the message they came to deliver and move on. As long as she would be able to see people as Allah followers, she would be able to love them and submit themselves not to their will but to the gift they came to give her. She decided to continue to follow the ways of Allah no matter how difficult it would be at times for her to understand the message behind the events that were occurring. Her trust in Allah will allow her to submit herself entirely even when she would not understand.

It does not mean that she would not think for herself and not try to understand. It simply means that when the voices that used to control her mind would find a new trick to attack her, instead of rejecting the way of Allah, she will increase the trust and love she has for Allah in order to find a way to say thank you to the torments those forces are creating in her head.

The game consists of loving everybody and sees all of them as Allah’s creature no matter what they do. To achieve this goal required that she loves herself to a point that what ever anybody would do or say, would not affect her. Because she would be in love with everything in her, she would not have any need of being loved by the people around her. Therefore she would not depend on their love to be happy nor would she expect it as a reward for her good behaviour towards them. Habiba was following the way of Allah.


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