The old man waiting

The old man waiting part 1

An old woman named Lisa went to see a man who was so old that he could not leave his room without the help of his sons. If it was not for his family, he would have never move from his bed to the garden. His days were spent either in his room or outside in their front or back yard. He answered to few questions to the people who had recognized in him a knowledge that they were immensely lacking. They came to see him with their problems and concerns hoping to get some advice that would help them to have a better view or understanding of their lives. For many, he was just an old man who could not even walk but for others who had been in his company and took the time to listen to what he had to say, he was a source of comfort. People had come from far just to listen to him because they thought he was worth the travel. They seemed to be satisfied after talking to him.

Lisa had often heard about him but never went to see him. She was always a bite sceptical of his capacity. After several years spent morning the death of her parents, sisters, brothers and husband, she realized that she was not able to get ride of the pain she felt because of their absences. She saw their departure as something unfair. She was left alone around people who cared about her but who were not the people of her childhood. She was not able to understand why they had left. She had resentment toward God. Although she went to the church, talk to the priest for more than thirty years, she was not able to get answers that helped her cope with the pain she had since those death occurred. Their departure left her uncertain of things and she became extremely religious.

One day, she said to herself that she had been avoiding seeing the old man for such a long time that she could no longer remember what justified her stubbornness. It was really a pity for her because he was just few houses away from where she lived and she had deprived herself of answers that might have relieved her from her pain. All those years of sufferance might have been avoided if she had just gone around the corner and talk to him like many people had done. She thought that if religion did not give her the answers that were able to help her, God would certainly not mind that she tried something else just for one day. Besides people were coming from the most distant places to see him. What did she have to loose? Why wouldn’t she try it at least once? She asked herself. Although she was scared, she decided to go anyway.

When she arrived that day, the old man was in the garden. Even though he was extremely old, his eyes were vibrant. He looked at her as she approached and he welcomed her by saying that finally she came. She was surprised by his statement and did not understand why he was expecting her but she did not say anything. He congratulated her for taking the steps to come and see him. She asked him why he was relief that she came. He told her that of all the people in the neighbourhood, she had the most poignant questions and the most important ones. He told her that he was sure that God had kept him alive just because he wanted her to come and see him. He added that he had answered to so many questions that were not very important for the happiness of the people who came to him but he could hear that the questions she had were the most relevant ones for her inner peace.

He had prayed so many times that she would get the courage to come and see him that when he saw her, he knew God had answered his prayers. He said that he admired her for banging her head around the walls for more than thirty years. He was amazed by the determination she had. It only made her venue in front of him all the more meaningful. He understood how tough and difficult it must have been for her to decide to come and see him. She had chosen to check all the others ways before coming to him. He liked that about her. He said that he would need her stubbornness to get her where she wanted to be.

He told her that she must had exhausted all the others ways and still was not able to find an answer that suited her. What was even more surprising was that she still believed that there was an answer after thirty years of constant researches, practices and failure. Further more, she still wanted to know.

Her desires and needs to get the answer she was looking for was the purest one. It kept on pushing her to implement into her daily life the answers she got from the people she went to seek advises from. When she saw that it led her to nothing good, she kept on looking until she found another one. After implementing an answer she received and finding out that it was worth something, she kept on going with it until it was no longer suitable for her. Then she went on finding others ones. When she realized that all the answers she had received were actually temporary ones and she had no place else to go look for answers, she finally decided to try the old man who was in her village.

The old man waiting part 2

Lisa explained her situation and asked the question that was burning her lips:” why all my parents left me and I am the only here?”. The old man looked at her straight in her eyes and paused for a moment. His welcoming eyes slowly broke her resistance. She had come to get answers instead, she found her pain. It was as if for the first time it was coming out. In front of the old man, Lisa was not trying to get ride of the pain. It was just there. It was pouring out and it took the form of tears. There were no refusals of her sufferance in those tears. She was not trying to judge herself or to explain anything. She was just expressing what she felt.

The old man did not move. He kept on looking at her as if his eyes were trying to remove every little resistance that her body, mind and soul were giving to her grief. As he was cutting the links that kept her attached to the remembrance of the love that her parents had given her, she found herself for the first time crying deeper and deeper. Her whole body was engaged into feeling what she had in her. She cried with every cell that was in her. All the elements that she was composed of participated in the deliverance of those tears. She cried like a baby would when he or she does not have what he or she wants. She cried as she used to do in the old days. In front of the old man, she became the little girl who cried in front of her parents. She behaved the same way as she used to behave when she was not happy. Since her parents died, she had not expected to be able to feel this way again. She had even forgotten how it was. It had been a long time she did not feel that way. She was extremely comfortable crying in front of him. The tears were coming very easily.

There were outside but she felt like they were the only people on earth that afternoon. Her mind was not busy thinking about what would people think of her when they will see her in that state. She just allowed herself go with the flow. Even if she would have wanted it, it seemed like there was nothing she could do to stop it.

The old man presence had evaporated every restrain she still had in her. She was no longer shy to cry. She was free to act like a little girl one more time. She had desired that for such a long time. She had asked life to give her the opportunity to feel that just one more time. One of her regrets was to have sometimes stopped herself from acting like a baby in front of her parents. She felt like she did not profit enough of their presence. When they were no longer there, she thought of the several occasions she could and probably should have acted like a kid. Indeed they were her parents, why shouldn’t she? Life was giving her the opportunity she dreamt of to be the little enfant that just needed her parents and nothing else to be happy. She was in front of it. She was granted permission to live it again, one more time as she used to say.

Her tears were coming in stairs. She gave the impression that as the feeling were emerging and were released, she had the opportunity to go deeper into what she had never allowed herself to feel. She went down at a slower pace but constant rhythm. The more she was crying, the more her head was going down. Everything that was holding her back straight was crumbling. Nothing kept her body aligned. She had fallen inside her. 

She realized in front of the old man that all these years she thought she spent her life looking for answers were actually spent fighting and being angry at life because life had taken her family away from her. She wanted to kill God but because he left her alone. She hated him because he had given her parents who were so careful of her. She would have preferred to have parents that did not care about her because at least she would not have suffered that much after they died. 

Why would he make her feel so good if it is only to make her suffer after? She had rejected the love she felt for her family because she hated them for leaving her. What has she done to deserve this? She was not that horrible. She always lived her life according to the rules that her parents and the religion had taught her and this was the way they all have chosen to reward her. Why did she have to go through this? What has she done to deserve this? She had asked so many times to understand but no answer was able to satisfy her.

During thirty years, instead of thanking God for the love that she received when her parents were there, she spent her time rejecting it because she missed them. She had decided to keep herself alone because it hurt her too much to remember how they used to love her, how they used to care about her and how she used to be happy around them. It was better for her to forget all about them because she could not handle the difference between the moment they were alive and after.

Since her parents had left, she had not been comfortable with love. What was love good for at the end of the day if the outcome would make her suffer that much? She had tried to live without it. She went all over the place because she did not want to feel love anymore. Understanding love became her objective and gave her the protection she needed against it. Instead of feeling love, she went for understanding it.

Well that day, in front of the old man, she faced her truth. She could no longer hide herself. She knew she was responsible of her pain. She accepted that she did everything she could to run away from the love that she so desperately needed. She acted that way because she was angry at God. It was her way to take her revenge from God because he took her parents. She was going to make him pay for that. She was careful enough to continue to follow and respect the rules of God or the religious laws in order to give herself the impression that she was not in direct conflict against God. As long as she believed that she still had nothing but love for God, she could continue to fight him without being conscious of it. In front of everyone, she was a wonderful person who was dedicated to God but deep inside her, she had decided to close her heart to God. She told God that if she suffered this much, she would not allow him to enter into her.

The vibrant, brilliant and penetrating eyes of the old man did not stop starring at her while she kept on crying. It was as if his eyes helped her to look at her Truth. He supported her toward this discovery. He made sure she did not miss anything of what was going inside her. She could not have done it on her own. He was there to push her to cross the river that she was scared of. He held her while she looked at the hatred she had for Life, God and herself. By showing her the reflection of what she was, he gave her the opportunity to clean it and to move forward. Her life had stopped since her parents died. At sixty years old, she could continue to live with love on her side instead of being against it.

Love was what she always had but Love was what she ran away from. Love was the answer to her misery but love was what she protected herself against. Love was what she needed but love was what she rejected. Love was knocking at her door but instead of opening it, she closed it and went for revenge against love. She forgot that she was only made out of love. Therefore choosing revenge against love was only going to be revenge against herself.

The lack of understanding of what she was made of took her toward the path of hatred against herself. Had she known the rule of love, she would have never acted with such disrespect toward the love her family gave her and toward the love of God.

The old man waiting part 3

After crying for a good hour like that, she was energy less. A gigantic weight had been lifted over her shoulders. She wiped her tears and cleaned her nose. Her eyes were red. Looking at her mirror completely destroyed what was sustaining her and if it was not for the chair, she would have fallen down on the floor because she did not have the strength to carry herself.

The old man was now waiting. The intensity of his eyes was still visible but it was clear that he had finished what he was doing before. His eyes were no longer acting as a mirror for Lisa but instead, he was waiting for her to speak or to say something. He knew she needed time and he patiently waited. What she went through when she arrived was painful, tiring and at the same time relieving. Even the words to express what she felt or what she wanted to ask were not coming. What she saw of herself was heartbreaking, devastating and it brought her to an empty state of mind where even the faculty to think was not there.

The old man took a glace of water and he drunk. She managed to bring her eyes to look at him as if she was slowly coming back from the dead. It seemed extremely difficult to make that small move. He invited her to drink. Her arms reached her glace of water while trembling. After drinking, she told him that she was cold. He indicated to her that there was a sheet below her chair and insisted that she wrapped herself with it. She did it and asked if she could go to the bathroom. He shown her with his fingers where it was.

When she came back, she smiled at him and asked him: “so now what?” He smiled and did not say a word. “What should I do after seeing all these things?” she wondered out loud.

He took a deep breath and told her that from now and on, if somebody died, she should see it as an invitation. It is a call to find your creator. By taking the people you loved, he wants you to stop depending on them. He wants you to go back to your roots which are him and nobody else. He was the one supporting the ones you love and he is the one supporting you. When he brought your parents back to him, it was a signal for you to start looking for him which you did in your way and it led you to this place today.

When you saw your loved ones, it was him with another face or should I say it was you with a different face. Complaining because of their absence was a little bite as if you were complaining as if you were gone. He is the one who put those faces in front of you and he is the one who gave you this face. Instead of looking for them, you should look for yourself. Once you will find yourself, you will understand a bite more what I just said. In order for you to go in that direction, I had to clear the way to your heart. It was filled with elements that were blocking your view. Your vision was reduced to the simplest one. You could not have gone far with the heart you came here an hour ago.

Today when you arrived, you were ready to see what was blocking you from moving on to the next step. You exhausted all the others possibilities and you came almost desperate to see if I could help you. I am going to tell you the secret that might make sense to everything you went through so far. You need to understand that the only reason we are here is to find God. It is our sole purpose. We have nothing else to do. Even the people who think they are not here for that or are not even aware of it, they are just doing the same thing. We put ourselves in the most terrible position in order for us to feel his presence.

By looking at your reflection in the mirror that my eyes offered to you, you started the process of dying to what you were before. You now know that your parents were never the one supporting you. It was God who was behind you all the times. Your parents were just there to bring you to a level where you could do your research on your own. The love they gave you and the fact that it was taken away from you was a clear strategy for you to start looking for the real love. The one that is coming from within you. You do not depend on the people around you. You depend on the love He is pouring in you. Even when you rejected Him, you were still in His cared. He is within you. He is you and You are Him. That’s the secret.

He added that this was what they could work on if she wanted. She quickly replied: “of course I want to. I don’t have a lot of time in front of me and I already lost so much. When can we start?”

The old man answered that they had already started and he would be glad to continue the day after at the same hour. She thanked him and she left.

After seven years of training, he taught her everything he knew. Few minutes before he died, he told her that she was the keeper of the things he transmitted to her. It would be her choice to continue to give it to the people who will manifest the need to know about it. If she was to decide to continue what he was doing, she would have to find a way that would be more suitable to her. She should not try to be him but to be her.

He added that she had much more experience that him because she went through all the ways that were not the right ones before coming to the one that enlightened her. She was therefore ready to accompany anybody. He was kept alive in order to transfer her knowledge he received from his master and he did it. Now he no longer needed to be among them. He had accomplished what he came on earth for. It was time for him to go and it was the challenge she would have to face in order to know if she was free of the fear of death.

This time, instead of closing her heart when the old man died as she did when her parents and brothers and sisters died, she kept it wide opened and she cried but not of sadness but of gratitude. She knew it was a test to know if she had understood what the old man taught her. She succeeded. She was free of death. God within her was vibrating at full speed. She became the light that people went to see when they had challenges. She could talk to them because she had solved all her difficulties. The only thing she was doing then was to learn and help others to learn as well.



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