Sexually Abused

Sexually Abused Part 1

Among the crimes that existed in the city, one had been around for a long time and never got enough scrutiny. It existed between masters and slaves, between riches and poor, brothers and sisters, cousins, fathers and daughters, employers and employees, friends, everybody was doing it but no one actually saw the damages it was doing to each others. The crime was done so overwhelmingly that people regarded that as something if not normal, but almost in the habits, in the usage.

Khajida thought who has been a victim of sexual abuse by her mother’s employer when she was only twelve years old, delivered a child from her abuser and was thrown away from the abuser mansion she was living in with her mum. She grew anger and distaste for such behaviour. Being forced out from the only home she had known so far because the owner of the house came in her room several nights in a row and had unwanted sex with her, was a little rough for her. There she was with a child she did not want. If she had not been a good Muslim, she would have abandoned the child in an hospice and she would have gone looking for another job in another house.

Facing the unfairness of her situation, she did not want to add the sin of being a mother who abandoned her child and the injustice done to the boy she recently had. He was in no way responsible of her situation. It was not his fault if she was out with nowhere to go. She did not have any prospect now that she had a child. It would be difficult for her to find a job that would pay as much as the one she had before where she would live within the owner’s house. Indeed the best jobs were those within a house because everything was taken care of and it reduced the cost of living. They were certain to eat, to be in warmth and beautiful house, to have very good clothes, to live close to the magnificent and powerful people. Although they were not enjoying the fame and luxury because they were servants, they nonetheless had a better statute than the one Khajida was looking at now that she was no longer in her previous house.

Before she was thrown out, her mother gave her a little money. She looked for a room in the city where her little boy and her could live together. She found a small room that had only a small window that allowed her to see only one corner of the top of the building she was living in. After leaving her stuffs in her room, she realized that the bathrooms were located on the floor below. There was one mattress with a little dirt in the middle. She put the only sheet she had on top of it and put the baby to sleep.

The baby who was lying down now reminded her of the difficult situation she was in. She looked at the boy and only saw his father rudeness. She was wondering how she could love this kid. It was one thing not to abandon the kid but it was another to be the mother of a child whose father abused you and treated you with such disdain. All she could remember when she was looking at him was the mistreatment she now endured because of him. She was jumping from the hatred of her own boy to the guilt she felt for hating her own child. Her head was constantly going back and forth. She wanted to have a stable feeling and attitude with her child but she was no able to.

She was thinking that the child she decided to keep was going to be a problem because she would not find a place that would keep him while she would go look for a job and work. Her spending would be higher all that because of her boy. How would she cope with everything if she did not know anybody in the city? She started crying because of her situation. The money that her mother gave her plus the one she had saved allowed her to pay three months of rent in that building. She decided to go buy some foods for the baby. Being careful of the future, she bought only what was necessary for the baby and the strict minimum for herself. She was thinking that if something happen and she was not able to find a job in three months, at least she would not have many things to carry in the streets when they would put her out. Indeed it would be difficult to carry the baby and the extra things if she was expelled. The only thing she was able to do that day was to feed the baby and to sleep. She could not do anything else.

The next day, she prepared herself and the baby and she went looking for a job. She did all the stores, bars and coffee places but nobody wanted to hire her because of the baby. She went in different houses to seek for a job that was like the one she had before but no one would hire her because she had a child. In between the little interviews and rejections she had to go through, she had to breastfeed her boy and change his diapers. At the end of the day, she was exhausted. After two months and half of following this regime, she had lost weight and the little beauty she had changed to a face that was saying that: “if I don’t have a job I would be in serious trouble and I would let myself go without any problem”.

She left her room that day having eaten only bread and drank water. She was carrying her child and she arrived in a fabric and she asked for a job. They sent her to woman named Susan in charge of hiring. She looked at her and asked what she was capable of doing. Khajida said that she could cook, sew, clean up, hair cut, and make up, manicure and pedicure. The responsible of hiring looked at her almost with pity. She thought that if she did not hire this person, nobody would. It was easy to imagine where she was coming from. She probably had a child when she was not married. She was thrown away for this reason. She was lucky she was not beaten nor killed by her family.

Susan asked her if she could do that with her child. She answered that she could and that the child did not disturb and the boy started to cry. Khajida was embarrassed and turned around to leave because she knew that the kid had just killed the interview. Susan was touched by the embarrassment the kid gave her and the kind of resignation Khajida had to her faith. She stopped her before she left and said that they could not hire her at the fabric but they needed somebody to sew the clothes the employees were wearing when they were scratched and there were lots of scratching. They could hire her to fix those. She would do that at her place every night and would give them back the next morning. Khajida thanked her as the baby was crying. Susan asked to come at six to pick the scratched clothes and costumes of the day.

As she left the factory, the baby was still crying and she told him not to cry while she was crying herself. She thought that nobody would hire her. She thought that because he cried, the woman would immediately send her away. Life was not that unfair. She chose to keep the kid instead of abandoning him and it gave her a good job that could grow into something else. It would not be easy because people would call her baby a bastard and she would not have lots of money at the beginning but it was good start.

She was scared not to be able to love the kid but the kid behaviour gave her the job. She presents herself the way she was and it got her the job that would help her and her boy to survive. She still had mixed feelings about the kid but she was doing her best not to show it to her baby. She was scared that raising him, he would become like his father. She was often very strict with him and then she would cool down realizing that he was not his father. Even thought she had the money to provide for her and her baby, she was still tortured by the kid she decided to keep.

Whenever somebody would approach her to date her, as soon as they would found out that she had a kid, they would run away especially if they knew that the kid was unwanted and was not legitimised. It meant for them that she had sex before marriage and therefore she was a prostitute. This fact would come and remind her of the choice she made. At the end of the day, she did not even hate the man who did it but her boy. Despite all her efforts, she was not able to love the kid as she would have like to.

2 years later, Susan increased her duties. She would now clean up the fabric, sew the clothes, cook for the employees and in addition to that, she would do manicure, pedicure and hair cut for the employees who wanted to. She had lots of money and she decided to move in a better area. It was a three bedrooms apartment. She would have one bedroom for her work, one for her kid and one for her. She put her boy Louis in school.

Sexually Abused Part 2 

Khajida life was very busy. She had to raise her kid, make money to pay the rent, the school for her boy, the food, clothes and she was by herself. Although years had past and her situation was way better, she had not forgotten the pain she endured before getting kicked out of her previous job because she had been raped and got pregnant. She had not been able to get rid of that pain and she was not constant with her boy. The more he grew up, the more he looked like his father physically and the more he was a constant reminder of what had happened. She was still turned a part by the decision she took to keep the child with her instead of abandoning him like many others were doing. She had only herself to blame for this situation. The fact that she was unmarried was also the consequences of her own decisions.

She was doing her best to raise him adequately but sometimes she would yell at him more than necessary. She would be strict with him even though he had done nothing to deserve such a reaction from her. It was indeed her reality that she was confronted to that was making her react this way. She could not get married because of he was in her life. She was working hard and long hours to survive just because she had made the choice of keeping him with her. She felt like her decision kind of trapped her into something she was not prepared for. She had to deal with it alone. Sometimes she regretted her decision when some men would promise to marry her as an attempt to get in her bed because they knew they would never married somebody who had a child from somebody else and who did not recognize his kid. It could only mean that she was either raped or she did not respect herself and was sleeping with anybody. No men in his right mind could trust her. When something like would happen, she would be meaner to her boy. After few days, she would realize how her reaction was and would feel guilty and would do anything to adjust or to say that she was sorry.

There were others times when she would look at her son and saw how he changed her life. If it would not have been for him, she would still be cleaning in that house, she would be paid the fifth of what she was earning now, she would have only a room to sleep in with her husband instead of this apartment where she was living in a beautiful neighbourhood and she would not have the clothes, furniture and a bank account filled with a good amount of savings. Her son was going in an excellent school and his grades were very good. Even though she felt lonely at times, at least she had him. He was always listening to her when she needed a confident. He was a good boy. He was cleaning the dishes, the house and the clothes when she was not there. He kept himself out of troubles.

Her son was called Abdel. He loved his mum. She was the only family he had. He spent a lot of time helping her for her work. He was listening to her and consoling her. When she was telling her stories, although she would be careful not to make him feel like the difficulties she was in were due to him, he could sense sometimes that her life would be better had he not been there. He knew how others kids were calling him in city. The others children were calling him a bastard and he knew the definition of it. The insult was so strong that he did not even want to ask his mum about it. Abdel had noticed that his mum would never talked about his father and when the kids told him that he was a bastard, he chose not to ask the question to her mum to avoid her the embarrassment. One day though, he got the courage to ask his mum who his father was. When she heard the question, she got scared. She had wished that this question would have never come up but it was an elephant in the room and Abdel introduced it. After regaining her posture, she simply said to him that he died when he was young. Abdel was pleased by that answer and he decided not to dig further.

He admired his mum and was absorbing everything she was saying and doing. He was really supportive of her. He took all the roles with her. He was doing in the house what a husband, son, father, mother, sister were supposed to do and occasionally, he was yelled at for reasons he did not fully understood. He felt that his mum needed those people at home and he took those roles in order to help her.  He never had a chance to be a child like the others. He was responsible at an early age just like the way his mum wanted him to be. She was alone and it was the only way for both of them to survive in their conditions. He loved taking off her shoulders some of her burden. He was always looking for ways to reduce her difficulties. They were a very good team.

He always justified her instability toward him by the fact that he did not help her enough or she had too many things to do for her two shoulders. She was suffering because she did not have somebody to support her like the others mums. He needed to do more. It could only be because of him or something that he had done wrong that she was behaving extremely harshly toward him at times. Pleasing his mum became his duty. He was living for her and God knows she needed him. 

They lived like that until he was fifteen. At that age like all the kids who had excellent behaviour and remarkable results in school, he received a scholarship to continue his studies in a special school that would ultimately lead him in the best university of the country. His mum and him were happy about his results. They could not hide the fact that they were sad at the same time because they would be separated. He did not want to leave her alone. He even suggested her not to go there but she insisted that he went. He had worked hard and now it was his chance to settle his life for good. She would miss him. He had been everything for her and she was everything for him. Their life was about to change. Things would never be the same after his departure and they did not know it.

Sexually Abused Part 3

Fifteen years had past since Khadija was kicked out of her first home. She was now twenty eight. She had more money she could possibly need or had even dreamt about, her apartment was in a very nice neighbourhood and her son had left for high school. She missed him and it reminded her that she wanted a husband even more now that Abdel was not there.

It was not well seen to live alone whether you were a man or a woman but it was even worst if you were a woman. Rumours ran fast especially if she was making lots of money as Khadija did. People were saying that it was probably because she was being supported by men. She could not possibly make so much money on her own. Envy, jealousy helped to send the message around that she was a prostitute and it was the only reason that she could have all that money. The idea that she was a woman of little virtue was exciting many men around. They all wanted a piece of her in their bed. They were courting her and their wives jealousy increased.

Khadija heard on several occasions what people were saying and it hurt her. As if it was not enough to suffer what she went through, now she had to be called a prostitute. She even felt like a prostitute because all the men who were interested in her only wanted to sleep with her. She was certain that she was doing something wrong or that she was cursed.

Alone at night, she wished she had somebody to talk to or to take care of. Before at least Abdel was there and she could exchange thoughts or cook for him and ask how his day went. Now, she was alone and the desire to cook for herself was not even there. She was mostly eating outside and it was only aggravating the rumours about her. Indeed what kind of woman would go alone in a restaurant to eat if she was not up to something? One night she coughed so much that she thought that maybe she would die. She realized that if she was in a dangerous situation, nobody could even help her. It just made her feel extremely lonely.

She had a good life and she had few girls’ friends’ with whom she could only share so much. Her friends had a good life of married women. They were not working and they did not have as much money as Khadija had. Sometimes, they would not be able to control their envy and they would say something like: “It must be tough to have all this money and not being able to share it with anyone.” When they would see Khadija a bite sad, they would rush to console her and they felt good about themselves. After Khadija understood that she stopped reacting to it.

Her son was not there and there was nothing that could remind her of the abuse she suffered almost sixteen years ago but she was still seeing it as a pivotal point in her life. She was treated like a prostitute then and she was still treated the same today. The rage and anger was still there even though nobody was there to remind her of that. No matter what type of achievement she managed to get, it was always in her head. She was just angry and was not able to move away from it.

This anger, rage, strong desire to succeed, financial freedom, ability to move things around, and her broken look made her very attractive to lots of men. Many of them wanted to sleep with her and hit her as if they wanted to punish her for being the way she was. It was a mixture of I want to get you, torture you and then make you my slaves. They were unable to realize many of their fantasy with their wives because it would mean that they treated their wives like prostitute but when it came to Khadija, they wanted all their crazy fantasy to be out. All their desires were coming out when they saw her. They wanted to be an animal with her. They all wanted to rape her. Their desires were visible in their eyes. They all thought that she was a super woman. She was probably sleeping with many different men and they all wanted to be the one. They had so many repressed fantasies that they had not done with their wives but they were all coming up when they saw Khadija.

She knew very well the effect she had with men and she had accepted. It had served her very well in her business and that was almost the only thing it had brought her. As for the rest, it had made her the target of rumours, hatred and well behaved sexual predators which are mostly married men. She had refused so many proposals because they would not get married with her that one day she finally gave up the idea of getting married. She accepted that she would not be married. It was the will of Allah and there was nothing she could do about it. No matter what she would do, she would always look like a total prostitute. It was probably her destiny. She decided that she would settle for someone who would like to be close to her. At her age and with a son of fifteen years old whose father did not recognize, with the anger she had in her, the freedom she also did not want to give up, she could not expect much from life. She felt relieve and was more relaxed.

It was not long after that decision that a man in his late thirty named Omar would ask her out. He had divorced few years ago and was not ready to go back into it. After they saw each other for six months, Khadija finally accepted his advances. They were together all the time. He had his job and it was giving him enough money to be comfortable around her even if she was making more than him. She was letting him pay for everything and they kept each other houses. She spent most of her time in his house in order to make him feel good. He heard the rumours about her but he did not care. He was coming from a failed marriage, what could possibly be worst than that. He wanted to have fun and be himself instead of trying to fit with the perfect image most people were dying for.

Khadija was the perfect person for that. He did not have to spend lots of money to prove that he was man. She already had a son and she was not going to harass him with having a baby. She made him wait eight months before accepting to go out with him, for him, it was a sign that she was a woman of virtue for him. It was a new start and he liked it. For Khadija, she was experiencing something she never experienced before which was being with someone who was real and interested in just being with her. It was neither the money, nor the sex only, although they were having a lot of it, it was being together that motivating them.

Sometimes, the idea of marriage would come in her head and she would reject it right away remembering what she had settled for. She did not want to ruin it. Doing so was just bringing up more of the abused she suffered sixteen years ago and she would start acting like a crazy person with Omar. The anger would make her say things to him about the fact that she was independent and did not need his money. She was attacking his masculinity. Basically, she was trying to make him feel bad but it did not work with him because as Omar used to say, he had already proved to his wife that he was man. Now that they were no longer together, he did not care about those arguments. She was therefore yelling alone. Seeing that nobody was there to react to her anger, she was extremely confused and hurt. It was as if Omar did not care about her according to her. Slowly but surely his attitude made her realized that the problem was within her.

Few months after they met, she was pregnant. When she first learnt about it, she was scared that Omar would leave her. She was almost certain that he would not stay with her and she was ready to get an abortion this time. She did not want to loose the one guy she had been comfortable enough with to stay with him. This pregnancy brought back the memory of the first one she had and she did not want to go through it again. She had dreams that she would be thrown away and that she would not have money. She did not want to see Omar. After many hesitations, she decided to tell him.

When she approached him with the news, he was extremely happy. He said that the kid would be very beautiful because she was very beautiful. Even though she was not sure she wanted to go through that experience, she was so happy and relieved that she was not rejected because she had a baby and especially that he would be recognized by his father. She started crying. She decided to keep the baby because Omar was happy, she wanted a baby from him and it would give her some sort of normalcy. It was a new beginning.

Sexually Abused Part 4

Khadija went through the pregnancy period smoothly. Omar was helping her and she was discovering how it feels to be supported. The rage she had in her added to the difficulties of being pregnant made her extremely irritable but Omar knew how to avoid confronting her directly. He had been accustomed to her mood swing often enough to know how to juggle around it. She had told him a little bite of her real story and to her surprise, he was more shocked by the behaviour of the master who kicked her out at such a young age than the fact that she was no longer a virgin when he met her.

Instead of seeing what everybody saw in her entourage and community when they imagined her being raped which is a prostitute, an animal, a degraded woman or devalued one and something that she should be ashamed of as she was by what had happened, he on the contrary saw her pain, her difficulty to be stable and to have a normal life, and the challenge she had to go through her life without loosing it. Even though she was driving him up the wall sometimes, since he had experienced during his childhood his mum and his older sisters pregnancy period, he was able to cope with the problem that occurred by doing what everybody did in his region.

He called his mum and his sisters to help him during that period as it is the case in that part of the world. Usually it is the pregnant woman mum who should have taken care of Khadija but since she could not because she was stocked working in the house she was living in, Omar asked his sisters and his mother to come to rescue them. They did it happily.

Khadija was well surrounded and she could not help thinking about her first pregnancy. She could not stop feeling sorry for herself and Abdel when she saw the difference between now and then. She thought that it was unfair that she had to go through the first one the way she did. It was unfair for her and Abdel but at this time, what could she do except crying. It was a time for her to revisit the period she arrived in the city and to realize how lucky she had been and that things turned out the way they did.

The delivery went perfectly. The baby was a beautiful young boy and Omar and his family were very proud of him. The newborn was named Ibrahim. Omar kept his apartment even though he was living most of his time in her house. He had asked Khadija if his mum could stay with them in her house at least the first year in order to help them with the baby as it was the custom. She gladly welcomed the help he was offering.

Abdel was kept informed of the development by the mails his mum was sending him. She sent him pictures of everybody. Three months later, Abdel came for vacation to visit his mum, her new baby and her partner. They were happy to see each other after such a long time. He looked at his mum and she was radiant. She introduced him to Omar and to Ibrahim. He looked at the three of them and they looked like a regular family. Only Abdel knew how she had suffered because she did not have normalcy. Only Abdel knew how important this picture was to her. He saw the three of them moving and they were united.

After they ate and the emotion of the arrival past and everybody was minding his own business, Abdel observed his previous house. He almost felt like a foreigner. The role he had played to his mum was now taken over by Omar. He saw his little brother and although, he was happy for his mum, when he saw how Ibrahim was treated, he could not help comparing his life and Ibrahim life. Everybody was around him and nobody was around him when he was little. He was working all the time to please his mum. He never saw his grand mother around cuddling him like Ibrahim was. Ibrahim had a father who liked him so much but he did not. Nobody would mock Ibrahim and he will not work the way he did. Abdel understood that the conditions were not the same but the difference was obvious.

As he made those observations, sadness that he would not let anybody sees took him. He felt left alone as if nobody ever cared for him. He looked at the others children outside and they were playing. He thought to himself that he actually never knew how normal kids were. He realized that he never got a chance to play a lot like those children. He never had time for that. He was always busy. He thought that it was unfair and all of a sudden, the rage, the hatred, the jealousy, the anger that he never felt came up. He did not understand what was going on. All the things he endured during his childhood erupted inside him and he just wanted to yell. He became frustrated as if somebody had awakened something that was sleeping inside him.

He started hating his father who was never there. He hated the kids who called him a bastard because of his father action. He hated the life he had and he wanted to have his father name or at least recognition but even that, he would be deprived of. At that moment, he started realizing that he endured the mood swing of his mum a lot and that it was painful for him but he never expressed it.

He went to the balcony to breathe some fresh air. He realized that he had lost everything. His old house was no longer his. He had just one room. His mum was no longer his, she had to take care of her newborn and her companion. He was almost third in line. He had a room. Before, the whole house was for him and now he had to share. He had to no only share but to loose everything and find his new place. It was clear in his head that his new place would not be in that house.

His mum observed him in the balcony and she went close to him and asked him what he was thinking. He simply said that things were now different. Life had evolved and he needed to find his place now in this recomposed family. He told her that he was feeling things he never felt before like jealousy and anger toward his father, toward the life Ibrahim was going to have, toward her and he was worry how things would turn out if he did not find his place in that family. He asked her who his father was. She told him the whole story.

He cried and hated his life even more. She told him that she wanted to avoid making him suffer by telling him lies about it when he was younger. She said that she was sorry he had to go through her mood swings. She said that even today, it was still bothering her. Unfortunately he was alone at that time and she could not change that. She did everything to meet people back then to ease the troubles on him but nobody wanted her. It is only now that she found Omar. She told him that she was sorry for what he had to go through but she did the best she could.

Tears were coming out of his eyes. She told him that he could do whatever it is that he wanted but he should not keep the anger in him. She had to live with that anger on a daily basis and it had sucked the best out of her. She did not want to see him going through that road. She added that if he wanted to see what his father looked like, she would give him the address.

He asked why his father did not want to have him. She simply replied that he was already married and he did not want to embarrass his family with a story like that. He lived in a different world. His image would not have been good. He had a statute to preserve and he could not afford that statute to be tarnished.

Abdel kept on crying and he was saying that he was an inconvenience for both his father and his mum. Because of his presence, his father was embarrassed and his mother would not find a husband and was suffering a lot. She hugged him and told him that it was not the true. She told him that she made it up to here only because he was around. If he would not have been around, she would not have made it. As for your father, the rules are different in his world. She told him that what happened was unfair but life helped them a lot. They were not victim. On the contrary, they made it good and they managed to lead their life no matter what the problems were around or the rumours. She continued on saying that he was now in the best school of the country and surely he would be as rich as or even richer than his father. He would be a different father than the absent one he had.

For the first time, Abdel cried because he wanted both his father and his mother. Khadija had never saw him like that. She did not know what to do. She hugged him and told him that she was sorry. Omar walked close to the balcony and she gave him a sign not to and he walked back. It was between Abdel and her. When he finished crying, he went in his room.

The next morning, after taking his shower, he went to take his breakfast and he wanted to put the table and his mum said that it was time for him to be served and to relax. She and Omar would take care of everything for now and on. He just had to seat and enjoy. As he sat, he realized that he did not know how to stay and not doing anything. He wanted to get up and his mum insisted that if he did not do it at least now, he would never learn how to seat and relax which was what he needed the most. She told him that after all, you gave me back my life, allow me to give you back yours. Enjoy this new life which is also yours. Every time you are here, remember that it is your house even more than mine. It is first of all your house. My house she said is at Omar place. We are just entertaining and keeping the house clean for your arrival. After working so hard all your life, it is time for you to settle down. This new family that you see in front of your eyes will take care of you now. We love you. After putting everything on the table, they all came, thanked God for the meal and they ate.

Sexually Abused Part 5 and Final

Life went on and Abdel continued his studies and got slowly but surely accustomed to his new life. His mum even got two others babies with Omar. Abdel was within his family and without. He realized that he was a link between his mum old life and his mum new life. He was completely a part of this family but at the same time had nothing to do with them. He was in an awkward position. He loved his family and they loved him. They made everything for him to be happy and he did everything to be happy in that family and he was and they were happy as well that he was part of them. Nonetheless, he could not put a finger in what was going on inside him. He needed his father recognition. Omar had done everything to be a good father to him but beside his efforts and Abdel one, something was still missing.

Abdel did not complain to anybody but inside him, something was bowling. The feeling of being rejected was all over him. The abused that his mum felt, he inherited it. Even though he was trying to distinguish both of their lives, he had to realize that it was his presence in his mum belly that was the starting point of his rejection. His arrival caused so many traumas around the people who were involved that they all choose to reject his mum because of him. He was doubly abused. His mum was abused and he swallowed it and he was abused because he was rejected.

Nobody was able to give him a satisfying answer as to why was he not desired? Abdel realized that deep down deep, he had accepted that there was something wrong with him. It was for him the only explanation that would make sense to his head. It is only because he was flawed by something that everybody rejected him during his life. He had come to the conclusion that even his mum was with him because she was trying to be a good person. If she had known the consequences of her choice back in the days, she would not have kept him. She kept him by pity and for her own image. Unfortunately for Abdel, he did not know what was wrong with him. He believed that something was wrong with him but he was unable to put a finger on it.

He had done everything he could not to be an additional problem to his mum. He was the perfect kid always ready to help or to simplify her life. He was an excellent student because he did not want to be a burden to her. He got the perfect grades to go in that special high school because he wanted his mum to be alone and finally got a chance to have someone in her life. He realized that he had organized his life without even being aware of the fact that he did not want to disturb his mum. He was saying sorry to his mum for what had happened to her because he was in her belly. He was saying by his action that he regretted to have been the cause of so many problems to her. He did everything in order for his presence instead of being a weight, it be something a little bite helpful.

Now that she was well and had everything she had always wanted, he was no longer a problem for her. If it was not the anger she was carrying every day, the rest seemed to be ok. He on the other hand did not know what to do with his life. He had a doctor diploma and was practicing medicine but he was not at all interested in what he was doing. He was doing it because he graduated and people expected him to do that.

He had his mum name and sometimes when he was going out with girls, they would ask about his parents and he would say that he was an abandoned and not recognized child. The abused his mum went through was following him everywhere. There was no place he could stay away from it. He was one of the best surgeons in the hospital he was working in because he needed to hide the fact that something was wrong with him. If he would not have been the best, they would have seen that something was wrong with him and they would have rejected him like his father did. He did not want to be a burden for them. He did not want them to have to care for him because he was so bad that anybody who would be with him and know him would immediately reject him. His whole life revolved around this situation.

He was not able to tell that story to anyone because they would think that he is crazy and indeed he thought that he was crazy. It was important for him to hide it. Maybe that was the flaw he had that was making everybody to reject him. He kept on receiving prizes for many discoveries or operations he did and his reputation was well established in the city. His mum and his family were extremely proud. No one knew that he was tortured inside. No one could even imagine that he was not at all in peace inside himself.

One night, he was sleeping at his mum place and somebody knocked at her door in the middle of the night and Omar rushed to open and a young man said that Mr. Mohamed Aladji was at the hospital in critical conditions and they sent him to bring Abdel at the hospital. He had spent the whole night looking for him. Mr. Aladji family wanted him to perform a surgery on him to save his life. Omar woke up Abdel and told him about it. Abdel got ready and left. Omar went back to bed and explain the situation to Khadija. She simply asked: “who did you say was sick again? He answered: “the famous Mohamed Aladji, can you believe it? Your son will meet him. It would be a huge opportunity for him” She replied: “I see”.

Omar arrived at the hospital and shook the hands of the four children and wife of Mr. Aladji and they explained him the situation. He read his file and he got ready for the surgery. He saw Mr. Aladji with blood in his mouth. What was left of his hair was white and he seemed in pretty bad shape. He took him in the operating room and did his best during five hours. When they came out, his colleagues and him were all exhausted. They informed the family of his situation and they told him that they had to wait before saying anything. The whole family waited at the hospital in tears.

When Abdel took his break, he was surprised to see his mum there. He asked her if everything was alright and he said yes and he went on explaining her that these situations happened all the time that she should not worry. She looked at him and asked if Mr. Aladji was alright. Abdel answered that everything should be ok. She looked at him again and hugged him tight. He asked her why she was worry and she simply said that she wanted to hug him and to say that she loved him and she cried. Abdel said that he loved her as well and he promised that he would pass by her place during the night. She dried her tears and kissed him and she left. Abdel put those emotions on the fact that she was worry about him performing the surgery on somebody really important and she did not want him to screw up. She was probably scared that he might ruin his reputation if things would not go well. He went back to work after thinking that.

After work, he went back at his mum place and they ate together. She was just looking at him and she looked exhausted. He asked again how she was and she said that she was a bite tired and that was all. She was wondering how his famous patient was doing.

Two days later, Mr. Aladji woke up. He had difficulty to talk and all his family was around him. They thanked Abdel for what he had done and Abdel said that it was not him but God and Mr. Aladji who were responsible and he left. Three days later when Mr. Aladji had recovered his power of speech, he thanked himself Abdel and asked him what his family name was and Abdel gave his mother’s name Soufir. Mr. Aladji said that his father must be proud and Abdel answered: “maybe”. Mr. Aladji insisted that even if his father was already dead, seeing him and what he was, he must be extremely happy. Abdel thanked him and added that, if his father was proud of him, he was certain that Mr. Aladji father was celebrating the success of his son in heaven.

Mr. Aladji did not say anything for about twenty seconds and Abdel thought that maybe he had offended him and he presented his excuses. Mr. Aladji told him not to worry. He was not angry. He was just thinking about what he just told him. He looked at Abdel and told him that he needed to tell him something that he had never said to anyone before it would be too late. Abdel said: “of course, what is it?”

He told him that somewhere out there in the city, he has a child that he never recognized. He almost raped his mum and when she was pregnant, he threw her away of his house. He never heard of her since. He did not even know if she and his child survived. He was too young and stupid when he acted as such back in the days. Since that day, no matter what successes he had in his life, he was never fully happy. He was always thinking about the pain they went through because of him. He told him that when he sees his children here, he feels like something is missing. It is incomplete. He wished he could tell to that child and his mother that he is truly sorry. He did not mean to hurt them. He was just too young and arrogant. Today he felt so bad that if they were here, he would not even have the courage to ask them for their forgiveness because he did not think that he deserved to be forgiven. What he did was so evil that he wanted to be punished. He realized that he organized his life around that even as well because since then, he had given charity to the whole city and the scholarship for the best students to go in the best high school and universities. He had anger about himself that he had never managed to release. It is following him all the time and he was always afraid that somebody would think that he is crazy. He did not want people to judge badly his family because of the awful act he had done back in the days. He had hated himself since. He said all that while his voice was trembling and he added that Abdel family name “Soufir” reminded him of her family name. He said that her full name was Khadija Soufir and Abdel almost fell on the floor and he repositioned himself on the bed where he was listening to Mr. Aladji.

While Mr. Aladji was speaking, Abdel pretended that he was listening but inside his head, there was nothing. The shock was so intense that his brain froze. He was in front of his father but he did not know what to do. He was listening and could not believe what was happening. It was as if life was playing a joke on him.

When Mr. Aladji finished talking and crying, Abdel took his right hand and said that his secret would be kept with him and Mr. Aladji thanked him. Abdel left the room and the hospital to run straight to his mum and found her alone in her house. He looked at his mum realized that she knew it already and that was the reason why she came at the hospital that day. She told him that she did not know how to tell him because she did not want him to do something bad to Mr. Aladji because of the anger she knew was within him because it is still the same anger that she bore inside herself. She did not want him to do something that he would regret. She added: “he is your father”.

Abdel started crying and asked what he was supposed to do. He did not know what he was supposed to do. He was expecting a horrible man but he found somebody who was as tortured as both of them were. He really did not know what to do. She told him that she did not know he had to do but she now knew what she had to do. She left for the hospital.

She found Mr. Aladji on his bed and he was half asleep. He opened his eyes and did not recognize her neither did she. He asked if he could help her and she kept on looking at him. She came close to him and said that her name was Khadija Soufir and he almost had a heart attack. He could not move and he immediately asked her to do whatever it is that she wanted. He had been waiting for this day and he was happy she finally came to him. He was ready to suffer what she would decide. She said that whatever it is that she would do will not change anything about how she felt and still feel inside. She wanted nothing from him for herself. She just wanted him to recognize his son. He had suffered too long because his father would not recognize him and had abandoned him. He would not ask for money because he did not need that. He just needed to have his father to recognize him.

Mr. Aladji said that he was ready now to recognize him and to give him his name and his part of his money but Khadija said that he would not need the money because he had plenty of it. Aladji asked what he was doing and she said that he was the doctor who performed the surgery on you. Aladji who was sat on his bed almost fell down but she held him. She continued on saying that he had just told everything to his own son. Aladji cried. The shock he had was the shock Abdel had when he was telling him his story and he understood what happened on Abdel face as soon as he mentioned Khadija Soufir.

Aladji could not stop crying and Khadija was just looking at him. When the emotions past, she told him that she just came to ask him that for her son. He agreed to do it. As she was leaving the room, he held her hands and said that he was sorry for everything he put her through. She simply replied that: “she was also sorry” and she left.

Abdel appointed another surgeon to his father and took 3 weeks off to recover and to swallow everything. Abdel stayed alone in his apartment and review his life in the light of what he had just discovered. He saw that his father, his mum and himself were suffering from the same pain. Even though in the real life they were separated, they were actually all linked by the abused that had happened a while ago. His mum was sexually abused and it had affected her and it had also affected him and to his surprise that same act had followed his father and had made him suffered the same pain he had inflicted on them.

After taking many details about Aladji life, he realized that his mum actually found her first job in one of Mr. Aladji Company. The woman who took pity on his mum was actually one of his secretaries he had appointed at that position few days before he kicked his mum out of his house. The apartment his mum was living in was built by Mr. Aladji and above all the scholarship he received came from one of Mr. Aladji association.

Abdel thought that he was alone all these years but he was supported by his father on earth and by his father in heaven. His mum and he were never alone. The three of them shared the same sufferance. They were all abused. It was time for them to let life supported them as time had always done. It was time to recognize the beauty of life and ask for forgiveness to life. It was time to say thank you to what life had given them. It was time to say that they were sorry that they did not trust life.

His father came few weeks later after speaking to his Imam and he asked Abdel if he was still interested in receiving his recognition. Abdel said yes and they did the papers. Abdel said that he would keep his mum’s name but he wanted him to say he was his father on his paper which Mr. Aladji did. Aladji asked him for his forgiveness and Abdel said that he was ready to give it even though things turned out to be great. At the end of the day he should be thankful for having the chance to be able to live the life he had. He had only Mr. Aladji and his mum to thank for the beautiful life he had so far. Mr. Aladji hugged him and he called his others children and his current wife and introduced them together and asked for forgiveness to all of them. They have been deprived of their brother and he was deprived of his brothers and sisters. He said that he had been a liar all his life and now at the eve of his death, he wanted to clear things before he leaves. They all told him that they had forgiven him already and maybe now, it was time that he forgave himself.

After that, Abdel went to his mum and told her what had happened. She asked him if he was better and he answered: “a little bite”. It was a different life that he was facing now. She asked him what he would do now and he said that he would resign from his job and he would go travel the world and maybe write stories and publish a book about those stories. For the first time, he wanted to do something for himself and nobody else. It was his life and he had earned the right to do it and his mum said: “very well then my son, go around the world and be who you are which will tell you what you have to do. I love you and I am extremely happy I kept you. I would not have been able to do it without you. Thank you for being in my life. Thank you for your help and even though I am going to miss you and I want you to stay next to me, I should not be selfish, I love you too much for that. Go my son, go and remember that I had loved you before you were here, when you arrived, I love you now and I will always love you. I feel like a part of me is leaving with your departure. Thank you and thank you again. I love you.” They both cried and he left.


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