Sexual impulses

Mark was observing his reaction toward people around him and he realized that somehow, when he was near some people he had huge sexual fantasies and humongous sexual desires. The moment he had those thoughts, his attitude changed completely. He was unable to reason. He only dreamt of touching and undressing the girls that awaken those desires in him. The well behaved person that he was would simply vanish when he was under the control of that attraction. If he was going to the left and the person who brought up that sexual excitement was going right, he would suddenly changed his direction just to follow her.

Sometimes, when he had enough courage, he would talk to this unknown woman hoping that after few minutes of discussion, she would offer him to come at her place and they would have sex. The sexual impulses he had could be so strong that although the girl or woman would say that she was not interested, he could not stop begging to have sex with her. He could not take no as an answer. He would keep on asking until she becomes rude. Controlled by his sexual cravings about the person whom he wishes to sleep with, he usually lost all manners if he ever had any. In front of her constant refusals and rude rejection, he would feel humiliate and a sense of rejection.

If Mark recognized a girl he knew and felt that sexual tension in him, he would run to her and would do anything to talk to her while touching her. In this case, when the girl would feel like she was overly grabbed, she would feel uncomfortable and would find an excuse to run away from him. A big part of his behaviour depended on his sexual Motivation.

Mark thought that if it was not for the pressure of society, he would have jumped on all those girls he found sexually attractive in the streets. Everything he had ever learnt about the way he should behave in society was at risk whenever and wherever he was in front of girls he wanted to have sex with. He knew that there was always a chance that he could let himself go and fall in the trap of his sexual desires.

Few little things were preventing him from raping those girls. The education he had played a huge role in keeping him from grabbing them regardless of what they wanted. Mark realised that he was only going through the process of flirting and asking them if they wanted to go out with him because his head was structured by his education to act this way. If he would only move according to what was in his head, he would not care about what society would do or what the women would want, he would just find a way to penetrate them. Maybe flirting was one of the way society had found to release sexual tension. Indeed while they were talking, nobody was brutalized in order to satisfy sexual desires. While they were playing, they were examining whether they would want to sleep with the person in front of them. It gave them an opportunity to calm the person who was overly excited. At least he had a chance to talk to the person he wanted to sleep with.

Mark was also aware that if he behaved otherwise, he would have to suffer the consequences. He would face a long period in jail, disapproval from his friends and family, the rejection of a big part of society and the guilt of hurting people.

He looked at his situation and said to himself that fear of jail and rejection, guilt and little sense of pride had prevented him from raping women but it did not stop him from having abundant sexual fantasies about most women in the streets.

The challenges he was confronted to, did not find any solution in the society. Mark could have gone and went to see prostitutes but it was never enough. He even had sessions with therapists but it did not change his needs. The fact remained that he wanted those women. Although he had seen women all his life, there was always something that attracted him to them. His sexual impulses moved him in different directions and none of them were friendly towards women.

Even though Mark had never raped a girl, his behaviour had made girls or women uncomfortable. He had followed them in the streets and to the point that they had noticed and were scared. He had looked at them till they had to change the direction they were looking into. He insisted more than he should have to go out with them although they had said no to his advances on numerous occasions. His sex and the lack of power he had over it took the best out of him. His lack of satisfaction made him the slave of his sexual impulses.

Mark knew that there was not much difference between him and any rapist in town. The only difference was that he had more restraints than they did. They were fulfilling fantasies that they had regardless of the pain they were inflicting or what ever society was going to do against them after. They were pretty organized in their crimes. Many of them got away with it. He was not like them. He could not put up with that kind of life. He was too scared and wanted to play and use every inch of what the laws authorized in terms of flirting or maybe he just did not have the courage to follow his primal instincts like the rapists did. Maybe Mark was a rapist who too scared to act. 

Whatever was the reason, the education he grew up in stopped him from acting with violence when he wanted to have sex with women. He learnt how to approach them even though he was really bad at it. Mark was trying to implement what he was taught during his childhood even if it did not match what he had in his head or his sex wanted.

Sexual Impulses part 2

Mark was wondering if those sexual impulses were some sort of indicators about what was going to happen or could happen. Beside the fact that he wanted to grab few women and sleep with them, could it possibly means something else? Since he did not have those impulses with every woman, he knew that there was something about the ones that attracted him that he could not resist? Was it supposed to resist? Why should he resist? After all, it was not necessarily his fault if those women were making him loose his senses?

Every time he had followed his instincts and he managed to sleep with a girl he was interested in, he was off course very proud and happy but he could not erase the little feeling that was left in him that reminded him that he went to all this trouble for those 30 minutes to an hour of pleasure. All the time, energy, money and efforts were done just for couple of minutes of pleasure. Was it worth it? Mark surely had fun every time it happened but at the end he often thought the others things that he could have done that would not have cost him that much and would have given him an equal amount of pleasure and fun. He did not regret it but he was puzzled by his obsession.

In order to get those girls in his bed for few hours of fun, he lost all his stability. He did his best to introduce himself as something other than what he was. His behaviour changed completely and nothing else mattered. He was reduced to that whenever his sexual desires controlled him. Later on, he thought that maybe flirting was created on earth in order to prolong the time between the first impulses and the moment sexual act was actually taking place. If it was not for that gap, much more women would be raped. While the flirting was taking place, it was the time to diffuse, to calm, to relax the sexual tension that erupted and maybe to discover that people were not really interested in each other. The flirting was an occasion to agree mutually before having sex.

In order to get that agreement, every hit or argument was allowed. Every where, men or women use their power to their advantage to position themselves in a better light in order to flirt. Flirting might be what was left of a distant memory of a past when men used to jump on women every time they had sexual desire just like animals do or worst than animals. Mark was thinking that maybe every time someone was flirting, it meant that in a far distant past, someone was getting raped. Now days instead of raping, people were actually flirting. The sexual attraction and tension was still there but the numerous rapes have diminished. People have learnt how to behave.

It was not easy to arrive at this point. Over the years, in order to reduce the rapes, many things were tried. Some decided to cover themselves completely, others some parts of their body and others decided to show it all. Everything was done in order to prevent the eventuality of a sexual incident. Many codes were invented in families. Brothers were supposed to protect their sisters and mum. Fathers had the responsibilities to do the same for their daughters, wives, sisters etc. Between men, honour codes were created to force them to behave with manners. Then slowly but surely, the law entered into the game of punishing men if they did not go in the direction of restraining their sexual desires by staying calm in front of women.

Mark looked around him and could see that he was not alone in acting the way he was. He saw many people like him. As a matter of fact, when he was with his friends, they were often talking about one thing and one thing only: sex and women. In spite of the progresses that were made by humans, things could move very easily in one direction or another in a blink of an eye. It is true that people were acting way better today but the same thing that moved them back in the days was actually still there and anything was possible.



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