Dependence


Dependence

Yahia went to see his master Kader and asked if he could have a little discussion with him. Kader who was not at all surprised by his unscheduled visit told him to come in and to seat on the chair that was in front of him and this is how their conversation went:

Kader: “What brings you here my friend so unexpectedly?”

Yahia: “I don’t know where to start and I am not even sure that there is a problem”

Kader: “you came all the way up here and you are not sure there is a problem. Is that mean that you are here to waist my time? You wouldn’t do that would you?”

Yahia: “it is just that now that I am in front of you, I don’t know. Everything I wanted to talk about vanished. I know there is something bothering me but I am not able to locate it. I don’t know why. At time, I think that I know exactly what the source of my lack of tranquillity is. I even manage to solve it but then, one or two hours later, something else comes back to hunt me as if I had not worked on that problem before. Every time I try to look at it deeper, it disappears. Every time I try to feel what the problem is, it escapes me. Something is running all over me and it does not seem to stop. It does everything it can to run away from me. I know it has to do with dependence but I can’t seem to go beyond that.”

Kader looked at Yahia and thought for a moment. He did not say anything. Yahia was looking at him and was even more confused than before because of Kader’s silence. The master looked at him straight in his eyes and said: “I am going to repeat few words that you said during your explanation if it is alright with you?”

Yahia: “off course. I was kind of waiting for you to react to what I said. Whatever it is, just say it because the whole situation is pretty rough for me.”

Kader: “well! Here are some of the expressions you used when you explained what you were going through: “vanished” “lack of tranquillity” “it comes back to hunt me” I try to look at it but it disappears” “I try to feel it but it escapes me” “Something is running all over me and it does not seem to stop. It does everything it can to run away from me. “I know it has to do with dependence but I can’t seem to go beyond that”.

As you can see Yahia, there is something that does not want to be seen or there is something you do not want to see. Maybe you do not want to see it or you are in the process of discovering something but you have not yet put the puzzle together therefore you can not see it. It could also be because of the difficulty of the process. Indeed in order for you to realise what you are about to see, you need to go to some difficult times. The harder those times are, the more reluctant you are to continue to the process. What you do not realize is that the harder the difficulties are, the closer you are to see something that was blocking you before.

Your mental is using the roughness of the path to remove you from the route to discover what you ought to see in order to come back to your tranquility. It is tough and instead of going through the process that will allow you to see the entire problem, your head is complaining about the process that leads to the clarity of vision of what your problem is.

By doing so, you head hopes to delay or push back the moment you will see what is disturbing you. Imagine that there is way that will lead you to a diamond. Once you take the road toward it, your head is using every trick possible to take you away from that road. It is giving you every little piece of things that will only prevent you from reaching your goal. You are caving inside all the tricks that your head are giving you because you are dependent of something and are afraid of loosing it. This is why it is very easy for your head to move you everywhere it wants instead of you moving it where you want.

I can only suggest you to find what you depend on and you will be able to recognize why you are derailed from your path. You will see why you lost your tranquility and why you already sold yourself in order to keep that thing that you depend on.

Yahia: “How can I find it if my head does not let me do so? How can I fight my head if it plays against me?”

Kader: “your head is playing against you only because, you have let it played against you for so long. I am going to give you a series of questions that might led you to refocus yourself. What is it that you like so much about your current situation that makes you reject all the possibilities of seeing how you behave in it? Look, if I understood correctly, the lack of tranquility is a source of troubles for you am I right?”

Yahia: “yes! It is a huge problem.”

Kader: therefore, would you explain me why you are doing everything you can to remain in it? When we do not like a situation, we do everything we can to get away from it right? So why are you not behaving like that?

Yahia: “I don’t know. Maybe because I am crazy?”

Kader: “Please have a bite more respect for you. You are not crazy.”

Yahia: “so, how do you explain that I behave in such a way?”

Kader: “There is something that is holding you from going back to tranquility land. There is something that you have that is keeping you from moving toward inner peace. You rather be attached to something that is making you stay in this disturbance. It seems as if you put more value into the thing you are holding to than your tranquillity. You chose to depend on that thing instead of walking on your own two feet. Even the problems you are complaining about are being used to prevent you from dropping your dependence. By questioning yourself about why you can not find peace anymore, you are avoiding the real questions which are: “What are the things I am attached to? Why don’t I want to leave the things I am attached to? And how can I leave them?”

Yahia: “you are scaring me now.”

Kader: “It is an excellent thing because you are beginning to feel what was escaping you. Remember. That was one of the expression I noted that you said.”

Yahia: “yeah! I do remember but I am still scared.”

Kader: “it is ok. Allow that fear to come up. Your dependency is below. In order to go deeper, I will ask others questions that might help you understand what is going on with you.

Although you are unsatisfied about the situation you are in, you need to ask yourself, what is it about your current situation that makes you depend on it so much that you are ready to sacrifice everything you fought for just to get a hold of it? How come you are running away from anything that can enlighten you about your dependency? What is it that you are afraid to loose that blinds you completely about the dependency that you have? 

You said it yourself that the source of your troubles are linked to a dependency that you are feeling currently. What are you depending on at this moment? What event in your life has created this dependency? What is it that you like about the situation so much that you are ready to pretend that you can not see what is troubling you?

Remember the things we have talked about on several occasions in the past. Fear of loosing something is often the cause of dependency. What have you lost in the past that came back in a different form and reminded you that there is a possibility for you to loose it again?

What have you lost in the past that you liked so much that came back in a different shape that you are ready today to do everything that you can to keep it even if it means pushing yourself away to hold on to that thing as if it was the source of your life?

Look in your life, the thing that arrived recently. See how you have behaved in front of it. What are the things that you did in order to keep it close to you? It can be anything either somebody you met and are in love with or a new toy that you received or bought. In either case, the fear of loosing the person you met or the toy that you acquired has attacked you and you need to reposition yourself.”

Yahia: “Let’s imagine that you were correct for a moment.”

Kader with a smirk on his face: “Yeah!!! Let’s imagine that!”

Yahia: “Are you saying that all my movements have been motivated by the fear of loosing that thing or her since I came close to either that thing or her?”

Kader: “I did not say that, you said it.”

Yahia: “are you saying that I have manipulated this whole situation and put the thing in such a way that the thing or her stays with me? Am I manipulating as we speak?”

Kader: “I am not saying anything? You are the one asking few questions based on something you understood from what I said. If those questions scared you, it is only because you fear the answers. You need to go home with all the things I have said to you and think about them knowing that there might be a fear of answering to those questions. When you are conscious of the fear that is surrounding you, it is easier to deal with things that are scaring you.”

Yahia: “I don’t know if I am more scared now than before. Thank you I guess.”

Kader: “You are not more fearful now than before. The thing is that, you are more aware of it. That’s the only difference between now and before. Allow the fear to come up and you will have a chance to see what is beneath it.”

Yahia: “So if I understood you correctly, your solution is for me to be even more fearful than I am now. Well!! Thank you for the advice.”

Kader: “Well, you understood me very well. I want you to face your fear. Once you will do it, you will thank me for real this time.”

Yahia: “no! No! Thank you for real.”

Kader: “you’re welcome I guess. Have a beautiful evening.”

 

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